How should parents talk to their children? It’s a skill which is not easy to master but once you get it right, it will be a great parenting tool.
I tried explaining but when I explain too much, it becomes nagging. When I nag, they don’t hear anything and they will not answer to any questions posted because they are not listening at all. I found out something to my disappointment. My children are very sensitive to several sentences as follows:
1. Do you understand? They would definitely say: YES
2. Why don’t you answer? They would definitely say: Yes, mummy?
3. Am I talking to the wall? They would quickly answer: NO, what is it, mummy?
This morning, I tried another method with Karl. While waiting for his transporter, I sprayed some mosquito repellent on his pants and shirt and accidentally sprayed his legs. He felt uncomfortable and was grumbling and showing his sour face. I was mad seeing his attitude but took a deep breath and asked him some questions:
Me: How do you feel when the spray went to your leg?
Him: Not comfortable.
Me: How long does this uncomfortable feelings last? A little while? Until now? Until you go to school or for the whole day?
Him: A little while. Feel better now.
Me: You have two choices. The first is to grumble and feel grouchy while feeling uncomfortable and suffer both bad feelings. The second is to feel calm and tell yourself that the uncomfortable feelings won’t last long and it will go away soon.
Me: You don’t have to accept what I say now. You try both methods, compare and decide if what I say is true. I’m not going to scold you but I’m going to talk to you like a mature boy.
He stopped and kept quiet. I hope this method works for him. Let’s see.
I tried explaining but when I explain too much, it becomes nagging. When I nag, they don’t hear anything and they will not answer to any questions posted because they are not listening at all. I found out something to my disappointment. My children are very sensitive to several sentences as follows:
1. Do you understand? They would definitely say: YES
2. Why don’t you answer? They would definitely say: Yes, mummy?
3. Am I talking to the wall? They would quickly answer: NO, what is it, mummy?
This morning, I tried another method with Karl. While waiting for his transporter, I sprayed some mosquito repellent on his pants and shirt and accidentally sprayed his legs. He felt uncomfortable and was grumbling and showing his sour face. I was mad seeing his attitude but took a deep breath and asked him some questions:
Me: How do you feel when the spray went to your leg?
Him: Not comfortable.
Me: How long does this uncomfortable feelings last? A little while? Until now? Until you go to school or for the whole day?
Him: A little while. Feel better now.
Me: You have two choices. The first is to grumble and feel grouchy while feeling uncomfortable and suffer both bad feelings. The second is to feel calm and tell yourself that the uncomfortable feelings won’t last long and it will go away soon.
Me: You don’t have to accept what I say now. You try both methods, compare and decide if what I say is true. I’m not going to scold you but I’m going to talk to you like a mature boy.
He stopped and kept quiet. I hope this method works for him. Let’s see.
11 comments:
Karl is big boy now so you may try to use this method. I still got to suffer a few years.
wow, dat is very proper! sure is nice that karl can respond to that.. :D
Hi Jo-N. Hope u had a great time meeting up bloggers fren as much as I do. Hope to catch u up with GG in KL, if time permits while I am in KL next week. Take care. CY
hey JO, that sounds like a very matured way of speaking...which i actually doubt if my kids could digest them, but maybe we shdn't doubt so much & give it a try!!
i'm the lousiest speaker to kids, yikes... :(
Sometimes I used humor to teach my children. Taking your case example, I will apologize to them in a funny matter.
I think each child is different and the way you communicate with them varies as well.
this is something that i'm trying to work on. my son is 9 so i should try a diffrent approach.
hmmm... the stresses of parenthood lol
You sure are a very patient and calm mummy. I would be nagging away non-stop!
I really hv to work on my patience. Whenever my girl show me her 'black' face, I immediately lose my temper. Vy difficult to talk nicely liao. :(
Patience Patience that's what mummies need and that's what I am lack off.. pfft...
You have some really great ideas, Jo - are you sure you're not a child psychologist???!!
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