As usual, we were in the car heading to school. He was talking and suddenly he told me: “You know mummy, my friend told me to ask you for money and to lie to you that we need the money to buy books. I don’t want to cheat you, mummy.”
Well, I’m relieved or should I be worried? He didn’t lie to me and he didn’t do as his friend told him to. He is honest or is he too straight?
If you know me well, I’m a person who can’t stand lies, can’t stand people telling me lies. What is there to lie about but people just love to tell lies, even children!
After reading The New Parent’s post on Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire, it sets me thinking. His posts always have that effect on me. If you have not visited The New Parent’s blog, make sure you drop by to say hi.
Why do children tell lies?
- To avoid punishment – Children tell lies to cover up their mistakes because they fear that by telling the truth, they will be yelled at or spanked or punished. So, how do we as parents respond to a mischief or an accident? For me, I would tell them that everybody makes mistakes and by telling us what they have done, we can discuss about the rightness of wrongness of the act and its consequences.
- To get something they want – They are smart and we should never underestimate them. To get something they want, they can lie, they can pretend, they can negotiate and you will be amazed by how well they play their tricks. Again, should we give in to them and convey the message that this is the way you should play your cards when you want something?
- To prevent parents from worrying or feeling bad – Let me give you a scenario: A family went out for dinner one day. Everybody knows how expensive the dinner was except the mother. She was told a lie, a lie that she would never have thought it was a lie! Well, what do you think of this? How do we portray ourselves as a parent so that children won’t lie to us? Should we be less worried and take things easier? Does it also mean that we should trust our children more and not question them so much?
Do you notice that our parenting approach has something to do with the lying of our children? This is something we as parents should ponder.
24 comments:
My son lied to me last week... to get what he wanted!
My experience... My children learn to tell lies all by themselves. I almost never lie to my children. They are homeschool & have few peers.
They infact learned it from a young age... e.g. I want to go to the toilet. And then sits there for a long time, just to escape his school work (laziness).
Children lie the same reason adults do. If we find the reason why we lie, we can also discover why they do it... Fear? Greed? Deception?
So, parents have to outsmart these children!
Good post.
oooo..thanks for sharing this. Ashley is beginning to tell lies though she doesn't really understand it is wrong :(
This is an interesting topic.. Human interaction & lies.
haha....i remember i was one bad gal telling lots of lies too when I was young....
my son too, started to tell lies, sigh!
You raise an interesting topic. My daughter is only 2, and she'll sort of tell lies to try not to disappoint us or get in trouble sometimes. So I wonder if reprimanding her has triggered this. It's a struggle I think many parents face.
Hah! Another nice post.. My girl coming to 3 years old already know how to tell lies.. She lied to her daddy that I beat her.. *roll eyes*
I'm oso vy upset when my girl lies to me - mainly to avoid punishment. I keep telling her that I'll forgive her mistake but not her lies. I wonder when she'll fully understand this.
I caught Little Billy in a lie the other day - really he doesn't usually lie. I had to punish him for his lie and he was very upset and I hope he learned a good lesson. I DO NOT LIKE LIES either! It only leads to trouble and hurt. Take care and see you soon. Kellan
Only my younger daughter knows how to lie.:(
Yes, it is amazing what causes children to lie.
You have a very good son there. :)
I can't stand lies either. It's great that your son told you about it and did not lie to you. You're a great mom! :o)
my girls will tell lies too but always kena sense by their papa, then they hv to tell us why they want to lie, else no more kai kai for them!
Ian lied at one point and i tried diff approaches. and i seldom scold him lately and he must be wondering why i dont. u shd be relieved that ur son didnt tell lies and eh,his fren, 7yr old can tell such a big lie edi ah?
me too, really hate liers!!!!!!!!! i oso cannot stand it!!!!!!!!!!
jo..u gave me a wake with yr post again...
needless to say, my boys tell lots of lies & mainly to escape from punishment!!
i guess as usual i FORGOT that it was our frequent punishment that made d problems serious till u reminded me indirectly here....time for me to change & improve !!
OK. J isn't quite old enough for me to address this yet, but as a teacher I have encountered this on numerous occasions.
I think it is wonderful that our son was so honest with you. Thanking him for his honesty and then openly discussing why people lie and the VALUE of honesty is most important.
When we told lies we were punished for "hurting the truth." I've never forgotten that and because of it I hold the truth very dear.
Good kid you got there! He should feel comfortable telling you anything. But even if he did lie, it's not so bad. It just means he could be president someday :)
sebastian too lies to me to avoid punishment... really need to sit down and talk to him... really not an easy task
Trin,
They are smart, aren't they?
Chris,
So true. They just know how to do it.
Mommy to Chumsy,
Looks like every child does it.
LB,
Yup, yup, yup. Applies for adults too, eh?
Chinnee,
So, you will know it if QQ tell a lie and you will know how to handle her better, eh?
Martini,
Hmm... relax. We have to deal with patience, I guess.
Sandy,
It is indeed a struggle and not an easy one.
Jas,
I wonder how the idea got into her.
Ginnie,
It will take some time, I guess. My children sometimes lie to me too.
Kellan,
Yes, we should let them know that lying is not right, shouldn't we? They will eventually learn.
Sweetiepie,
Hmm... I think the eldest is always more straight or honest.
Judy,
I hope he's not influenced by his friend in time to come.
Tammy,
This is only 1 case. Hopefully, they will grow up into honest people.
Jess,
Haha. I notice that if parents sense their lies, they dare not tell lies compared to children whom parents don't sense it.
Wen,
Give me five! Surprised eh? This friend of his has even cheated Karl's money and my son is so naive to give the money to him. Really have to train him to be more alert.
Jacss,
Sometimes, I think I make mistakes too. It's ok and I need to remind myself to change too. Let's change together, ok?
Laskigal,
You are a teacher? Thanks for sharing your views and advice. I really appreciate that. Thanks.
BD,
That's what I thought too. If he's honest, I should be happy but I'm worried that he's too straight and too naive.
Fiona,
Yup, not easy at all.
well at least he told u...that's great
I think most kids go through this phase. They lie so that they can get what they want and to avoid being reprimanded / punished. I did that too up when I was young up to primary school. It's a natural 'self-defense' for kids. So it's our job to tell them that it's a bad thing to do and God won't like it and will punish them.
Hi Jo-n--love the back and forth between your post and mine!
But here's a thought--before our kids learn to use lies to avoid punishment or to get something they want, they need to learn the rudimentary skill of lying.
Where do they pick up that early skill?
Research points to us, but as I mentioned in my post, I think they also imitate it from peers and siblings, who may get it from adults.
If we want to curtail lying, we should exercise more self control and route our little ones toward telling us what the facts are in situations. If we start them young, and they learn to relate the facts, it makes it easier later on because they have a foundation to refer to.
BTW--I thought your son did a very good job (wink)!
For me, I would encourage my child to be honest. It doesn't mean that they will escape punishment, but I would tell them that they will get double the punishment if they lied and I find out. Some rule applies to my husband! HA HA
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