I have been thinking a lot lately about parenting styles. What are the factors that determine a parenting style? I mean, do you form your parenting style according to your parents’ ways or do you follow what the experts say or do you create your own way from scratch?
My husband and I are brought up differently, VERY differently. His parents are businessmen while my parents are teachers. So, you should guess how differently both of us are brought up. When we eventually agreed to tie the knot, we had lots of compromising work to do. Imagine two people with different characters coming together to start a life and a family of their own, bringing along with them, their own values and practice.
When it comes to my own children, I face a dilemma. On one hand, I have a mother, who wishes that I could follow her ways and on the other hand, I have a husband who thinks very strongly that his upbringing has enabled him to be brave, tough and very independent.
To me, each child is different and because each child is different, I should be using different approach that suits the child best, shouldn’t I? Why should I be following my mother’s or my parents in law’s ways if I don’t agree with it or if it doesn’t work on my children?
So, what I’m going to do is to take the best of my upbringing and the best of my husband’s upbringing and blend it together, not forgetting to add some of my “creations” to form an all-in-one parenting style that suits me and my children. I hope I don’t disappoint my mother or my husband.
Now, please tell me how you form your parenting style? Do you listen to your mom? Do you listen to the experts? Is it wrong if we have our own style without listening to anybody?
My husband and I are brought up differently, VERY differently. His parents are businessmen while my parents are teachers. So, you should guess how differently both of us are brought up. When we eventually agreed to tie the knot, we had lots of compromising work to do. Imagine two people with different characters coming together to start a life and a family of their own, bringing along with them, their own values and practice.
When it comes to my own children, I face a dilemma. On one hand, I have a mother, who wishes that I could follow her ways and on the other hand, I have a husband who thinks very strongly that his upbringing has enabled him to be brave, tough and very independent.
To me, each child is different and because each child is different, I should be using different approach that suits the child best, shouldn’t I? Why should I be following my mother’s or my parents in law’s ways if I don’t agree with it or if it doesn’t work on my children?
So, what I’m going to do is to take the best of my upbringing and the best of my husband’s upbringing and blend it together, not forgetting to add some of my “creations” to form an all-in-one parenting style that suits me and my children. I hope I don’t disappoint my mother or my husband.
Now, please tell me how you form your parenting style? Do you listen to your mom? Do you listen to the experts? Is it wrong if we have our own style without listening to anybody?
29 comments:
Looking from the outside, I think it's very cool to merge talents!! Covers more area, so to speak! Multi-tasking is smoother.. :-) Not to say a Teacher from a family of teachers shouldn't marry another teacher from another family of teachers (for example), of course!..
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog yesterday!
I think I am a combination of both of my parents when it comes to taking care of my children. I can be impatient like my father, but loving and dedicated like my mother. I always second guess myself too, but unfortunately no one was handing out any "How to be a Good Parent" books when I left the hospital! It is a learning process for both of us!
Have a good weekend!
Kimmy
Ahhh, the old question, nature vs. nurture! I think it's impossible not to bring some aspect of what you've been taught to your own parenting. But, we have our own personalities, likes and dislikes which are different from our own parents that we bring to the table, too. I think what you said is so true about each child being an individual. My two boys are complete opposites, and my husband and I do handle them each a little differently because of that. It is definitely a mixture of everything we know.
This is a great post, very interesting!
Lizzy
LB,
There are benefits as well, eh? SO, my children have the chance to become a all-rounder??!!
Kimmy,
Thank you for your views. How true it is. Parenting is a learning process and there's no right or wrong answers. You have a great weekend too.
Lizzy,
I'm glad to hear from you. Thanks for your thoughts. I have 3 children and all 3 have different personalities. It's really not easy to be a mother!!
I follow my own parenting style which I adjust it from time to time to suit my kids.
Of course I adopted some from what I see, read and listen!
well, I'll try to gauge my baby's personality and guide him based on that.. eg if he's more of an introvert, I'll take him out more often to mix but maintaining a short period of time initially until he gets use to it. You may wanna read up on some personality tools eg MBTI :-)
Hmm...my parenting style?? I don't know exactly hi hi hi hi... I just follow my heart and also Jason just 1,5 years.
Oh..i always forget.. I have tag for you, Pass it to the Front tag
Have a nice weekend
I think you are very smart and have the exact right idea - I couldn't agree more. One of the things my mother has said to me, since I've been older, about when I was little is that, "You were so different than your sister (who is older) - we were never quite sure how to deal with you," and I think therefore they just didn't deal with me sometimes - you know? I try to always remember that each child is different and that I should try to deal with them on their own levels/terms/abilities - it seems to be working with my children.
Have a good weekend - see you soon. Kellan
Thanks for stopping by my blog and I am enjoying reading yours :)
I think its so important to just follow your own heart when it comes to how you parent your children. Like Lizzy said, it's hard not to have some aspects of your parent's parenting intertwined with yours, because how you were raised ultimately made you into the person you have become. But, that being said, I also think that, for me, there are ways that I can do things differently in order to save my children from some of the frustrations I had to deal with as a child.
My husband and I grew up in similar households, but we do have our differences in how we see raising our girls, and that it due to having different perspectives on the way we were raised. We try our best to just listen to how the other is feeling, and question each other a lot on why we feel a certain way.
As for how I have formulated my parenting style, I do read a lot, and listen to other moms, but ultimately I just have to go with my gut and follow my heart when raising my girls. Different things work for each of them, and I think that one of the most important jobs I have is to sit back and learn this...it allows them to become the person they were meant to be!
I take their feelings seriously and make solutions together.I don't follow my parent style instead of undestanding my kids personality.
I follow my parents style some what, but I also do things my way too.
Interesting topic. I think we are a product of our experiences and what we are taught when we are young, at least some of it, we will pass it down to our kids. The rest, I guess, it's what we have learned/listened along the way and trial and error.
when we got married my husband and I both agreed that our ways of bringing up children will be different, but we will never undermind each other especially in front of them. We both listen to our respective parents and only follow what we think will work. It takes a lot of discussion between husband and wife. but other than that, i don't think it's anyone else' business since it's not their children.
sometimes its so diff to make a simple decision. blending wld be great for the kids, i hope..
I'm still struggling to find the best approach for my kids (esp for XY). She's getting harder n harder to handle each day as she develops a mind of her own.
It is good to listen to the wisdom of your parents, remembering that they are human and all they did, may not be best for you and your family.
Talking with others, reading the "experts", who again are human and may have some wisdom, but it may not be right for your family, can be a good way to learn some new things to try....
Ultimately, seek the Lord's guidance, pay close attention to your own intuition on what is right and best for each of your kids, and your family as a whole. It is critical though, that you and your husband are supportive of each other in the ways you raise your children. If you disagree, work hard to find some common ground on which to build your approaches. You need a united front to give your children stability. As they are BOTH of your children, neither parent should be unbending. These children were given to you both, so find the best of both to use to teach, guide and direct yoru children as they grow.
Knowing your child's personality type, learning style... is important. What works best for one, may not be best for another. Same love for them all, different techniques if necessary. Be loving, firm and consistent. Have fun!!!
I have a simple tag for you to do. http://flsam.blogspot.com/2008/02/dream-gadgets.html
well...a little bit of everything i guess ;)
Interesting post. Parenting styles. The million dollar question. Being a Christian, I follow the bible principles. Its really a journey - trial and error. Not one styles suits all. I believe that parents should be teachable too. Learning is a life long process. We should be willing to change when one style doesn't work.
Hi ... good question and good post u have here..
me hor ?? i not really know . i will take some advice from different kinds of people, read some parenting book and so on ... not every parenting styles suit our own kids.
Not easy. it's need time .
Jo-N, can i have ur email address ??
Thank you everybody for your views and experience. It's great to get some feedback here to know how you guys form your parenting style. Hope to hear from you again.
hmm...i don't need to listen to anyone LOL...we have our own style which good that both of us agree
my havent encountered yet but i know its coming soon!
ooppsss, sorry this comment is for the spelling headaches
i'm with you. each child is different and so different approaches are required. but, on the most part, i wing it!
I myself not think about this too much, just flow like a river and create my own style of parenting.. I believe our parent's style has been integrated in us already, and come out in natural way... but I care to raise our children according to what God want parents to do.. in bible style... so our parenting style is automatically modified by God as well... :-)
I use all my 5 senses when i come to parenting! Opss... most important one i forget...tat's using my brain!
I listen to both sides parent and absorb anyone that I think is a good practise but I realized sometimes it's not going to work 100% on my gal... this is where some creativity is required... I would say I'm still learning as I don't really see what's my parenting style like yet. But one thing for sure, it must be something that work for my child and the family...
No no, thanks. I'd never follow this her ways. It's amoral for me. NEVER!!
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