What do you want in your child? Do you want a child who is very obedient?
Every parent would love to have children who are very obedient. Who wouldn’t? At least, it would save you all the yelling, spanking, headaches and heartbreaks. The very obedient child would listen when you talk, do whatever you want him to do and follow instructions. Wouldn’t it be perfect to have this type of children?
Think again.
I know of a boy who would shrug his shoulders and say “I don’t know. Ask my mummy.” every time a question is asked including questions like “What do you like?” and “Which do you prefer?” He would do whatever his mother asks him to do and to me, he doesn’t have a mind of his own and he is just like a robot being remote controlled. I for one would not want my children to be THAT obedient.
Read on.
I attended a workshop on S*xual Abuse Prevention by PS The Children one Sunday and that workshop makes me think a lot about how we train our children. Obedience is one trait that would benefit the s*x offender. I was shocked to know that 85% of the s*x offenders are people the children know and love while 15% are strangers. So, when we teach our children to obey their parents or elderly and do whatever they say, we are actually teaching them that it is wrong to say “NO” when they find certain touches to be bad and uncomfortable. Many cases of child s*x abuse involve father and daughter which means children are not even safe in their own home!
We were taught to teach our children this “Say No, Run and Tell” when they feel uncomfortable to someone’s touch or when they feel uncomfortable seeing something or when they feel something is not right. Read more on how to create awareness among children about s*x abuse here.
So, when your children say “NO” to you, we should feel happy that they dare to speak up when they dislike something and when your children have demands, we as parents should feel happy that they know what they want. As long as the children know their limits and that we do not give in to each and every of their demand, I would say having children who are not “merely following instructions without thinking” is great.
Now, who wants a child who is VERY OBEDIENT?
Every parent would love to have children who are very obedient. Who wouldn’t? At least, it would save you all the yelling, spanking, headaches and heartbreaks. The very obedient child would listen when you talk, do whatever you want him to do and follow instructions. Wouldn’t it be perfect to have this type of children?
Think again.
I know of a boy who would shrug his shoulders and say “I don’t know. Ask my mummy.” every time a question is asked including questions like “What do you like?” and “Which do you prefer?” He would do whatever his mother asks him to do and to me, he doesn’t have a mind of his own and he is just like a robot being remote controlled. I for one would not want my children to be THAT obedient.
Read on.
I attended a workshop on S*xual Abuse Prevention by PS The Children one Sunday and that workshop makes me think a lot about how we train our children. Obedience is one trait that would benefit the s*x offender. I was shocked to know that 85% of the s*x offenders are people the children know and love while 15% are strangers. So, when we teach our children to obey their parents or elderly and do whatever they say, we are actually teaching them that it is wrong to say “NO” when they find certain touches to be bad and uncomfortable. Many cases of child s*x abuse involve father and daughter which means children are not even safe in their own home!
We were taught to teach our children this “Say No, Run and Tell” when they feel uncomfortable to someone’s touch or when they feel uncomfortable seeing something or when they feel something is not right. Read more on how to create awareness among children about s*x abuse here.
So, when your children say “NO” to you, we should feel happy that they dare to speak up when they dislike something and when your children have demands, we as parents should feel happy that they know what they want. As long as the children know their limits and that we do not give in to each and every of their demand, I would say having children who are not “merely following instructions without thinking” is great.
Now, who wants a child who is VERY OBEDIENT?
30 comments:
NO...NO...NO, after listening to your valuable lectures, i strongly say that i don't want a "VERY OBEDIENT" child....and must i thank god, that mine are not at all obedient, haha??
i want an obedient child who knows to run in uncompromising situations!!! thankfully, my kids are old enough to know the right touching from wrong touching...i've pounded it into their heads, from an early age. and, where i left off, the school has a program that picked up where i stopped...
so, while my kids are NOT obedient, at least, not most of the time...they have a mind of their own...their own thoughts, opinions and ideas. and...they'd beat the stuffing out of anyone who tried to touch them...while screaming profanities and kicking them in their privates...sigh...i'm so proud!
btw...you find my posts funny? good...because, i try to show that, even when things get tough in my life, i remain...basically, in good spirits. and, i am glad that it reflects that in my writing!!!
xoxo
Hi Jo-n, thanks for dropping by my blog!
I totally agree with your last sentence "I would say having children who are not “merely following instructions without thinking” is great."
Everything my daughter explains or is 'disobedient', I listen to her explanation and reasoning and I do admit, there have been many incidents when we felt that she has been thinking and explaining her reasons which actually allow us to explore her inner thoughts, too.
For example, my husband once told my daughter to stay in the caravan and that she was not to go out or if she needed to, she had to call for him. When she came running out to look for him, my husband asked why she didn't obey him. She replied, "I called and called for you but you didn't hear me, so I came out to look for you." In such an incident, I find that it is very acceptable for us and that she is showing that she is capable of thinking, instead of merely following instructions.
I also agree with you on the part where we should teach our children to discern what they know/ feel/ as right and wrong/ uncomfortable and to know when to say no, run and tell. Knowing when and how to say no to others, even adults is as important a skill to learn for self protection, too, especially when it comes to bullying of any kind!
Thanks for a thoughtful and reminding post!
You raise a good point. I don't want a "very obedient" child. I want a child that will have a mind of their own, to think for themselves, but have the sense to make the right decisions.
Nicely said! I have 4 kids that all feel way too comfortable sometimes saying "No" - Sometimes I just need them to say "Yes" - you know! Take care and hope to see you soon. Kellan
I would like my children to listen to me a little more, but I don't want them to be that obedient.
Hmm..I want my child to be obedient to me but yet, still have a mind of her own to think, understand and absorb...Does that make sense??
I want a thinking child not a robot to obey my every instruction! :)
no, i don't want very obedient boy, i really prefer my boy would say no to me sometimes..
When u hv too much of something, it's nvr good. So being TOO obedient is not good as well. I'm not asking for too much.. just listen n follow my instructions 80% of the time, I'm happy enuff. :D
I would also like parents to look after their children properly, in public places, and not allow them to run amok all over the place, making too much noise, and being a nuisance for everyone else! :-)
I know, slightly off topic..
Wah, Jo-N, you have reminded us a very important issue in parenting! I love my sons and really can't imagine how sad I am if anything bad happen to them!
I will make sure they understand this matter... thanks my friend!
Too obedient is not good while too independent may not be good either. Somewhere in between will be ideal plus the ability to know how to reason and rationalise. By the way, I have wrote a post about marriage and linked it to the one about marriage and kids that you posted the other day.
This is so true... Agree with you. In fact, whenever I complaint how unobedient my children are, my mom always tell me that: if your child is 100% obedient, you would be very worried whether he is dumb.
Now, on top of the worry about 'dumb', after reading your post, we have other worry - their safety.
So, I should be glad my children are unobedient? Hahahaha!
Jacss,
No, no, not lecture. Just my thoughts and what I learn from the workshop.
Melissa,
The schools in western countries are all very equipped with programs like that but sad to say, schools over here do not touch on this. Your kids are very well trained I would say.
About your post, yeah, I find some sense of humor in there and I think you are a positive mom.
Alternative Mom,
I think Asian children do not really express their feelings. They would just bottle up and lock themselves in their inner world. You have raised a wonderful child. Thank you for your thoughts. I truly appreciate that.
Sandy,
Yeah, and I hope I can raise that type of children. That's a difficult task, isn't it?
Kellan,
I know what you mean and I agree with you. SO, striking a balance is really important, eh?
Tammy,
Work hard and you shall achieve. That reminds me to do the same.
Shireen,
It makes sense. What you want is the perfect child. I want this type of child too but the question is: Can you achieve that? Be positive and we shall achieve.
Contented Mum,
Hope yours is what you want.
Huisia,
Saying No is not that bad after all, ya?
Ginnie,
Yup. Balance is the word.
LB,
There's no hard and fast rules in this blog. So, say whatever you want to say and you will be heard. Thanks for your thoughts.
Trin,
You are most welcome. I have to constantly remind my children too.
Aud,
You are so right. We really do not want our children to be too extreme in either end. Thanks for the link. Will be checking it out soon.
Suzette,
Be glad that your children are normal and have a mind of their own. I'm glad mine are too.
my son said "no" more than "ok" at times, juz hope that he can be more obidient :)
Is not a good thing for a child to be a "yes mummy boy (girl)" or "yes daddy boy (girl)", as seem too rely on parents & not independent.
Hi Jo-n!
Thanks so much stopping by my blog and leaving me a comment. I love "meeting" new people! Your post is very thought provoking and so important in todays world. Unfortunately, we teach our kids to be polite to others and sometimes it's confusing to them how to respond to adults. While we don't want them to be rude, they need to know that not all adults are trustworthy and nice people. I attended a similar workshop through my son's school, it was called "Protecting God's Children". Quite eye opening, isn't it?
Looking forward to hearing from you again, and I'll be back to see what you're up to! Take care!
Lizzy
Hi,
I am tagging you to
Your Favorite Love Song
It’s up to you if you want do it or not this tag :D
I think obedient is what most parents want but every child should learn to be independant and knows how to make decision on their own.that' what I want from my kids.
Respectful yes, sheep no.
You have touch a very important topic. Besides inappropriate touching, I think training kids to say no to strangers is also important to prevent child abduction, which has become a sad reality nowadays.
No, I don't want obedient children. I want reasonable children.
We have our reasons for wanting our children to obey our instructions. As long as we teach our children to understand such reasons which are for their own good, they are bound to follow our instructions. This way, we go by principles and not anyone's whims and fancies. The children will grow up to be thinking adults.
Speaking of ultra obedient kids, remember the Singaporean movie "Just follow law"? A kid was knocked down by a van while waiting for a faulty pedestrian crossing sign to turn green. She dared not cross the road even if there was no vehicle in sight. She was taught to obey the law.
That's why I want my kids to be able to reason, not to obey.
it's good to have an obedient child, but of coz not follow 100% of what their parents ask.
Martini,
Haha. I think mine say NO a lot too.
Amei79,
Thanks for dropping by. True, they should be independent and responsible.
Lizzy,
So glad to have found you. The workshop is really an eye opener for me and I'm really lucky to have the opportunity to attend.
Jul,
Thanks for the tag. Will check out soon.
Sweetiepie,
I guess all of us want that and we hope our children can achieve that.
Joe,
I don't want a sheep too!!
Silvery,
Thank you so much for your thoughts and I agree with you that we want our children to grow up as thinking adults. I have not watched that Singapore movie before but I think it's very realistic.
Lovely Mummy,
Yup :) not 100%
Hehehe... Luckily my girl is not that obedient at all... LOL
Well, I definitely don't want my boy to be a 'mommy's boy' then he will be laughed at!
Guess we need to train our kids to have a mind of their own... to think for themselves... wisely.
Very thought provoking. I have always believed in raising children who follow their hearts and have their own minds as well as children who are respectful of their parents and others.
One extra thing I have done to help prevent this sort of thing is when we are wrestling with and playing with our kids and they say 'stop' or 'no' we always stop and respect their wishes. I felt that it would help them to feel that they were in control of their bodies and that they have the say of who can touch them what way.
Hey Jon! I have to agree with you here. Most sexual abuse is done by people the children trust. Scary thought!
Very interesting topic you've posted here...doesn't the fact that 85% of the sexual abuser are people that we know very worrisome... I still feel very sad for Nurin's case and I really hope the other missing girl case will have a happy ending eventually... Anyway, coming back to your topic, indeed I don't want a very obedient son...I want a son who is able to think... a balance between an obedient kid and a street wise kid would be ideal...
Hi Jo-N
Long time no talk...
good point raised!
Will not complain too much if my gals being disobey sometimes!
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