Why do you get married? Have you ever regretted that you nodded your head when he proposed? If you are a parent, have you regretted having children, especially when they get on your nerves?
Don’t get me wrong. I am not having trouble with my marriage. I am not having trouble with my children either. It is just a topic I find interesting to discuss.
Today, more and more people do not wish to be involved in marriage. Many view marriage as a commitment which they find difficult to fulfill and view children as a burden. Youngsters today would rather keep a dog or a cat as pets instead of having their own children.
Marriage is really a personal choice. It is not compulsory nor is it an obligation. Having children is also a personal choice. If you get married, it doesn’t mean that you must have children. Some have children because they do not want to end up in nursing homes but is that the reason you want children?
I have three children and if you ask me whether I planned it, the answer is YES. My ideal plan was to have three children with two years gap and I can’t believe it went so smoothly as planned.
For those of you who plan to have three children or those who are hesitating to go ahead with another one, read on.
Having three children is not easy and those with three children like Elaine and Miche would agree. The main worry is our financial ability. Can we cope financially with three children? Next comes the fairness issue. Can we be fair and equal to all three children to make them feel important and special as an individual? When they start to fight and quarrel, that is when your headaches begin. You would even have a mental torture when all three of them refuse to obey.
Having said that, what is the difference between two children and three children or maybe more? Two would still fight and quarrel. Two would still give you a mental torture. So, why not go for three? Three doesn’t seem so bad after all.
Sometimes we see too much, hear too much and worry too much. If you do not have problems with your pregnancy and labor, go ahead and plan. Everything is possible if we put our heart and mind to it. Parenting is difficult but we can learn to be a better parent and give our children the best we can.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not having trouble with my marriage. I am not having trouble with my children either. It is just a topic I find interesting to discuss.
Today, more and more people do not wish to be involved in marriage. Many view marriage as a commitment which they find difficult to fulfill and view children as a burden. Youngsters today would rather keep a dog or a cat as pets instead of having their own children.
Marriage is really a personal choice. It is not compulsory nor is it an obligation. Having children is also a personal choice. If you get married, it doesn’t mean that you must have children. Some have children because they do not want to end up in nursing homes but is that the reason you want children?
I have three children and if you ask me whether I planned it, the answer is YES. My ideal plan was to have three children with two years gap and I can’t believe it went so smoothly as planned.
For those of you who plan to have three children or those who are hesitating to go ahead with another one, read on.
Having three children is not easy and those with three children like Elaine and Miche would agree. The main worry is our financial ability. Can we cope financially with three children? Next comes the fairness issue. Can we be fair and equal to all three children to make them feel important and special as an individual? When they start to fight and quarrel, that is when your headaches begin. You would even have a mental torture when all three of them refuse to obey.
Having said that, what is the difference between two children and three children or maybe more? Two would still fight and quarrel. Two would still give you a mental torture. So, why not go for three? Three doesn’t seem so bad after all.
Sometimes we see too much, hear too much and worry too much. If you do not have problems with your pregnancy and labor, go ahead and plan. Everything is possible if we put our heart and mind to it. Parenting is difficult but we can learn to be a better parent and give our children the best we can.
I am glad I have three children and I do not regret having them. My husband raised his voice when he got excited over a debate with me one day and all three children told their daddy: “Daddy, please don’t scold mummy.” I was so touched and my heart melted. At that moment, I knew that motherhood is all about sacrifices and gains and I have to thank my angels for loving me so much, for training my patience and for giving me a chance to learn along with them.
What makes you get married and what makes you want children? If you are not married, why don’t you want to get married? If you are married but do not want children, why not?
34 comments:
thks Jo-N, yes u woke me up with 2 children will still quarrel and the same with 3 children... thks
I regret it ALL!!! ha, j/k :)
To be honest. I was one of those young singles who was convinced that a dog and a studio in NYC was all my life ever needed....until I fell in-love. Not a boyfriend, someone that I envisioned the rest of my life with, and wanted nothing more than to start a family with. Did we marry- NO. But because I felt that way with someone, I wanted to feel that way again....and I did. Marriage and having children is a choice. And they both need to be an equal decision between 2 people. That is often the biggest obstacle...
I am also one of those that you mention that, "sees too much, hears too much and worries too much." As a Neonatal ICU nurse....I've seen and know far too much to endure pregnancy as a sane human being...so that is my biggest obstacle in having #2.
Sorry for the book!! :)
We had a party at our house a couple of years ago and a male friend of mine said, "My wife and I have often discussed that if we had to do it all over again - we would have never had kids," and he meant it. It has stuck with me - what he said - for several years - I often think about it and feel very sorry for the two of them, because I think he really did mean it.
I have 4 kids - three that were "actually" planned - but ... oh my gosh - that 4th one - what a gift she has been in my life - they have all been. And what a gift their daddy has been.
Great post. Very nice to meet you - I look forward to seeing you soon. Kellan
I never regret having children. Even from the beginning of our marriage we know that we will not have our own time to be together when our children still young :)
I have a wonderful husband and two great (most of the time) kids and I never regretted it for a minute. :o)
i plan to married and have children when i was in my mid 20s.it's a bless to have a family with children.i did regret everytime the kids freaked me out..but not now anymore cuz they are growing up and well behave.
All my 3 children is unplanned! But I don't regret having them in such a close gap. Firstly, the delivery is fairly fast and easy...coz still loose mah! hahahaha And I only have to "suffer" for 5 years only. Once my 3rd becomes a toddler in less than half a year time, I can shake leg already! Maybe get another one! hahahaha
I din regret, and I got married just to have kids. LOL
Wen,
You are most welcome. I was writing this post and suddenly it crossed my mind that actually having two and three don't really differ.
Sandy,
Thanks for sharing your story. I guess if I were in your position, I may be afraid too.
Kellan,
Nice to meet you too. He must have his own reason for saying such things but I'm glad you love children cos I love my kids very much too and I have never regretted having them.
Putri,
The sacrifices were necessary but it doesn't matter. Seeing our children grow is such a blessing.
Tammy,
Good to hear that and we do need to let them know how much we love them.
Sweetiepie,
I know what you mean. Glad that your kids are now well behaved.
Miche,
All 3 are unplanned? Wow! Ya, once your boy becomes a toddler, you can think of having another one since your pregnancy is easy.
Amy,
That's nice to hear, really.
Ok, I know you wanted a male voice on this post; however, I'm probably not your typical married guy with a kid. My kid was an accident. I met my wife at a club and we had a fling. She didn't even live in this country. When she found out she was pregnant, there was not contemplating involved on my end. I knew what had to be done. We've been married 6 years (and it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done) and our son is 5 now. He is THE BEST THING that has ever happened to me. I don't regret it for a millisecond. Ever. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him. Hope that offers some perspective? And my general belief is that there is no reason to marry someone unless you want to start a family.
No regret.
I found myself more happier after marriage. I had enough fun before marriage, so once married, I planned for all my pregnancies which is 2yo gap too. Too bad, my 3rd one was due to ectopic, else i have 3 now.
Great post!
What a great topic!
From my perspective, too many people take for granted the ability to have children in the first place. Whether you are a "straight" couple struggling with infertility issues and the loss associated with these types of problems, or, in our case, a "gay" couple desperately (and purposefully) seeking to expand your family, there are many, many people out there in the world who want nothing more than to become parents and to know the joys and the pains parenthood brings. Yet, as a teacher, I see too often cases in which children are a means to an end...people have children because they want their marriage/relationships strengthened, or they have children by an "oops" factor, but they simply aren't prepared for the challenges of parenthood. In any case, whether a couple has one child or three, I sincerely hope they are prepared to love that child or those children un-conditionally, regardless of their relationship status!
Ok...I'm off my soapbox now...sorry! *grin*
Have a great day!
His2Dads
Ah!! Ok, my 2 cts:
I am not married, never have been, and I probably won't. Why? The reasons change from time to time, but I guess the most re-occurring one would be
1) never found the REALLY RIGHT person
Sometimes I regret not marrying, and sometimes I am glad I am not married.. but to answer your main question, I would 'definitely maybe' have one child if I was. :-)
Busydad,
I am touched with your honesty and your courage of sharing your story. I really appreciate this and I can see that you love your son dearly.
Jess,
No regrets is good. You can always try another one.
His2dads,
Thank you for visiting my blog and thank you for your insight. I really appreciate your thoughts and I agree too that if we want to have children, we must be prepared to love them and not treat them like a "thing".
LB,
Thanks for your 2 cents but to me it's worth a million. Here's my wish to you: May you find the RIGHT girl.
hahaha.. hard questions to answer le.. although I am still single.. but i think family without children is still family ma?
me too..never regret have a son :D
Jo-N, you write very well too. I think better than me.
Talking about regrets, I just think that if your marriage is a happy one, then obviously there will be little room for regrets. But if your marriage is an unhappy one, then I'm sure you will have lots of regrets for making the decision to get hitched or even have kids in the first place. Am I making sense?
i think we should never feel regret for things we have/haven't done but learn from it. for those regretting having children, learn from the little ones. learn unconditional love, trust and care-free. only then they can unlock themselves from the negative mindset.
my regret? or rather, my hubby's regret, is not having another one closer to aidan's age. now that he sees aidan being lonely sometimes, he had some wishful thinking. and now it's not as easy as changing our minds and get pregnant! first main factor is that the age gap between the two if the reason is for aidan to have a playmate. then again, there are other reasons.
but as far as anything goes, i see life as a glass half full, where we can always top it up. aidan can have more love, more attention (not necessarily always a good thing :P) rather than half empty, where ppl are trying to make excuses and complaining for the life they have. no one should complain. we make do and make the best of what we have. the world doesn't owe us anything.
i think i am a little bit out of context here, haha. but my point is, no regrets! give me one, give me three, i'll love them all the same!
Keeyit,
When the time comes, you will know what you want.
Jul,
Do you regret having just one?
Aud,
It makes sense. It is really up to the couple to make a marriage work for them.
Sweetpea,
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I love what you say and totally agree with you that we should not complain. The more we complain the more we feel unhappy.
so far I never reget too.
what made me get married and want to have children? A happy family where I can share my happiness and my sorrow ... :)
I never regret my family... :-) but I think 2 sons is enough..don't want to have another child if I can ask to God.. Hahaha..
Hi Jo-n--I only have one child and that was the plan. It allows us to really focus on guiding our child as best as possible.
Having more then one child seems difficult in that many parents I know who more then one child find their ability to focus compromised.
As far as getting married--there were many reasons, of which love and having a family were a couple of them. For me, one should be prepared to be in relationship before they commit to a marriage. Just like I think one should prepare to be a parent before they commit to having a child.
Interesting post Jo-n, thank you for the thoughtfulness (smile)!
Altho sometimes I do wonder how nice life wud be w/o any children, if given the chance to choose again, I'd still hv them. :D
Martini,
So true.
Trin,
It's not easy dealing with 2 boys but when time comes for you to have more than 2, you will learn to cope.
TNP,
I always like to hear from you. It is so true that we have to be prepared to be a parent, to love our kids and groom them to be a useful being. It's not easy but we have to try. Thank you for your thoughts.
Ginnie,
I understand. I would do that too.
i must say it's another well-written one JO!
u always made me give a deep thought....though i've never really thought much abt kids before/after marriage!! And i was one of those who just went with the 'flow'!!
After married...must give birth lar & of course d twins were not at all planned (possible meh, haha).
Thou they still got on our nerves, we would not be so inhumane to regret having such a beautiful gift from GOD!
No regrets, definitely. Hubby is the greatest thing that happened to me. My hearts filled with pride when I look at my 3 children (only when they're asleep, hehe!). Sacrifices were common, gains were not few either.
Hubby expressed interest to having another baby girl recently. I put my foot down and said girl or no girl, I just got my "freedom" (as the youngest is 2), I'm not prepared to lose it by being tied down by another baby and breastfeeding. To me, the time for childbearing is done and now is the time for childrearing. :)
Hmmm.. regret?? I supposed no regret for having my dear girl.. but regret being married so early... LOL
Chidren bring so much joy and meaning to the family. But offcourse, sometime it can be headache, we have to guide them from young. If they mix with the wrong friend, it can be a big headache.
In the end, we still love our chidren no matter what happened.
I have only 1 son, I would love to have a daughter. :)
I'm coming late to this discussion, but ...
Yes, I do regret having my son.
I grew up and entered adulthood knowing that I didn't want any kids, and I was clear on that point with my fiancee. No kids. Ever.
She was fine with that until ...
A few months after we moved in together (her place), she told me that she'd changed her mind and that she really needed to have children.
I had given up my own place, my employer went bankrupt owing me thousands of dollars and I was, quite embarrassingly, financially dependent on my fiancee. I also loved her. So I did precisely the wrong thing: I gave in.
We now have a 2 1/2-year-old son who is quite a smart, well-behaved kid. I really do my best to be a good father and my wife tells me that I'm doing a good job. But I resent the hell out of him and I sincerely miss the days before he was born. I miss the freedom to go hiking on a Saturday, out to a nice restaurant in the evening and to lounge around the house on a Sunday. I miss parties and road trips and not having unidentifiable food goo smeared into my clothes. I miss living an adult life.
If I could go back in time, I would tell my fiancee that my feelings against children hadn't changed and I would take the consequences of saying "no" as preferable to raising an unwanted child. I probably wouldn't be married now -- at least, not to the same woman -- but that would be better than my current situation.
Anonymous,
Whoever you are, thanks for dropping by and sharing your story.
It's understandable why you have this feeling. Being a parent would mean sacrificing some of your own time to make time for your family.
I am a parent too and after having kids, I can't wear high heals, dresses, can't carry handbags, can't go out for a movie, can't go out with friends, etc. but I find that I'm enjoying a different life now. Growing along with my children gives me satisfaction that I have never felt before. Looking at their smiling faces makes my worries and sorrows disappear.
When they are a little older, there are many activities that we can do together. We can go camping together, go for a cup of tea together, go for a movie together, go for parties together, etc.
My children become my new group of friends. As much as I enjoy the company of my old friends, I also enjoy the company of my children.
Now that you have a well behaved child, you may want to try to treat him as a friend. If you have this negative thoughts in your mind, you will feel miserable everyday. You may try to like him, like your life and eventually everything will be alright.
Many people want children but can't get. You are lucky you have one. So, please do try to like him.
You may want to watch this "The Secret". Google for it and watch it. It may help you.
Sorry for replying late. Hopefully, you get to read this.
I wish you all the best.
Happily married for five years now never really wanted kids lots of reasons. I was just so pleased when I read how you wrote you realise marriage and parenthood are CHOICES - Yes they are and it's annoying when we get hounded by those who don't respect our choices and think we should follow in their path. So reading your blog was refreshing thank you. You sound like a great mother by the way!
What made me get married was my husband. He was the first person I didn't get bored of and dismiss after a few months of dating.
I can’t speak for other childfree, but my reasons are: 1.) No desire. 2.) Knowledge and respect of what pregnancy and parenting requires—and what a child deserves.
YES, I do regret it. Sadly.
I just had twin girls 3 months ago. And if I can go back in time... I would NOT have them. I don't resent them and I am not mad at them. I am mad at myself for making this mistake. I thought I wanted children. I think b/c I have such a wonderful marriage and husband and he wanted them so badly... it seemed like a great idea and the logical next step after being married for 3 years. (we've been together for 10) But I did have some doubt and I should have listened to the voice of doubt.
the reason I regret it is because I am not enjoying it, its overwhelming, b/c we had twins, I can't go back to work, my body took a beating, and I was a very athletic and active person, I can no longer do the things I wanted to do, I have no time to myself... its a 24/7 job and its mentally exhausting.
I am trying to make the best of it, b/c its not there fault, I do love them. They are here and I don't want them to feel this negative energy. But its been 3 months and I still struggle.
I am hoping one day soon, I feel they are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can then turn around and change my reply to NO, I don't regret having my girls.
Kostenlose Partnersuche und Partnerbörse ab 30. Chatte, Date, Flirte mit suessen Singles oder einfach nett plaudern!
[url=http://www.time4love.ch] [img]http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/55/l_b681b1039edd4bb19d42063f38fb69a1.jpg[/img]
flirt
er sucht sie
single dating
er sucht sie
[/url]
Post a Comment