Do you discuss with your children about their body parts especially those private areas? Do you talk to them about personal safety and sexual harassment? Most Asians feel very awkward discussing these issues and would use some nicknames for the private area such as “bird” or “birdie” for the penis and “pet pet” and even “flower” or “dark mountain” for the vagina instead of using the scientific names.
Is there a need to use scientific names for the private area? Many people don’t see the need but it is actually very important. Why is that so?
I quote a story told by PS The Children, an NGO in Malaysia:
A woman taught her daughter that her vagina is called “flower”. So, one day, while the woman was cooking, the little girl came in and told her mother that a boy touched her “flower”. The mother was busy and did not relate the “flower” to be her daughter’s vagina. She told her daughter that it’s ok if people touch her flower (meaning the real flower) and she should not make a fuss out of it.
Is there a need to use scientific names for the private area? Many people don’t see the need but it is actually very important. Why is that so?
I quote a story told by PS The Children, an NGO in Malaysia:
A woman taught her daughter that her vagina is called “flower”. So, one day, while the woman was cooking, the little girl came in and told her mother that a boy touched her “flower”. The mother was busy and did not relate the “flower” to be her daughter’s vagina. She told her daughter that it’s ok if people touch her flower (meaning the real flower) and she should not make a fuss out of it.
Gosh! She has sent the wrong message to her daughter.
I see urgency in teaching our children (sons and daughters) from young about their body parts and how they can take care of them. They should be taught to differentiate a good touch and a bad touch and to speak up when he/she does not feel comfortable when someone touches him/her.
Sometimes, I would take a bath together with my little girl and that is when I would ask her about her body parts. “Where is your navel?”, “Where is your …?” and she would point to me. This would then be followed by demonstrations of a good touch and a bad touch and questions like “Can a boy touch you here?” and “What about your brother and your father? Can they touch you here and here?” as well as “What happens if they touch you? What must you do?” By repeating, I hope she would be able to remember and would know what to do if she encounters such situations.
What about you? How do you educate your children about their personal safety?
I see urgency in teaching our children (sons and daughters) from young about their body parts and how they can take care of them. They should be taught to differentiate a good touch and a bad touch and to speak up when he/she does not feel comfortable when someone touches him/her.
Sometimes, I would take a bath together with my little girl and that is when I would ask her about her body parts. “Where is your navel?”, “Where is your …?” and she would point to me. This would then be followed by demonstrations of a good touch and a bad touch and questions like “Can a boy touch you here?” and “What about your brother and your father? Can they touch you here and here?” as well as “What happens if they touch you? What must you do?” By repeating, I hope she would be able to remember and would know what to do if she encounters such situations.
What about you? How do you educate your children about their personal safety?
29 comments:
i've made my children aware of the proper names for their privates! i felt that it's important that they know the names, at an early age! i also told them that, it's NOT ok for ANYONE, aside from the doctor or myself...to touch them ANYWHERE a bathing suit would go! but, i also let them know that the doctor is not allowed to touch their privates if i'm not in the room...one never knows! and...i only touched their privates when they were little and i needed to wipe their messes up! needed to clarify that because, what i said could have been misconstrued!
xoxo
Gosh, I would certainly like to know more on how to teach my girl on this. I do take bath with her sometimes and she's already curious of the birds & bees. I guess it's time to educate her now.
When my daughter was little we had that discussion about private parts. when she was in grade 2 she brought a book home from the school library that helped to explain different body parts and the birds and the bees. It was aimed for her age group and it helped me to discuss more about it with her. Her school has a great health program that discusses these issues with the kids. My toddler is a boy so when it comes time for him to learn about it, his dad is going to handle it.
This is a great post. My daughter is 2, and we are currently trying our best to use the proper terms for her body parts. As a nurse, for me it's pretty natural, but hubby has more of a tough time....
My girl is 3 years old, she even doesn't like people touch her face even it is a kind touch. Then I have to tell every teachers please ask kids in the class if they want to touch her ask her first. But she has no problme to shake hands with people.
i don't use a nickname for their private area.My hubby and I did remind them most of the time.No one is allow to touch their private part.And they should let us know if someone did that to them.
I never really thought of this. Indeed a great post!! Now thinking about it, my mind is blank. If it comes to the stage, I honestly can say that I wouldn't know what to do although I it is the RIGHT thing to do.
My toddler is still too young to learn this at the moment. But I guess the time to educate him would start pretty soon one day.
I don't use scientific, always refer to birdie and petpet but I do tell them about good and bad touch , what is right and what's wrong.
I also read to them the book "Birds, Bees and kids" (they love the book) :)
Melissa,
Thanks for sharing with me a good point. I have never thought of the doctor. Now, I'll start thinking.
Kerry,
There will be a talk by PS the children somewhere in January but they charge people who attend. If you are interested, I'll let you know the details once confirmed.
Tammy,
So, let the father handle the boy, eh? Very clever of you. I think for my case, I will be the one handling my boys. You know, if I have a book to explain to my kids, it would be much easier.
Sandy,
You are a nurse! Great! My hubby uses scientific terms too but has not gone into a discussion with my boys about protecting themselves.
Lilian,
So, you don't have to be worried, ya? Asking for permission would be a nice thing to do.
Sweetiepie,
You are a great mom.
Shireen,
It's never too late to start thinking. Before anything happens, we better do something.
Audrey,
Very soon.
Elaine,
Where do you get that book? I would love to have one too so that it's easier for me to teach them.
You are so right. I think it is essential that we teach our kids the right names for body parts. It is crucial.
I have also seen videos that teach kids about "good touches" and "bad touches".
Good questionslar Jo-N.I having this problem recently due to my girl recent problem :(
yes, i've started talking abt private parts to the boys....and am glad that there isn't any embarassment at all !!
will soon start on those parts of the opposite gender & what's the do's & don'ts.....
nice topic...
i taught my both kids but in kiddy way.
for ashraff - I'll say, be-bird , cannot let people see shame shame
afriena - bik bik - shame shame don't let ppl see or touch .
so everytime they naked they will say shame shame ...once they grew older have to teach more but won't say flower LOL
So glad you hsare on this. I have taught my girl the proper name as well and told her not to let nayone touch her private part. Not sure if it sink in or not.
oh, great post, thanks for sharing.. i will take note for my future used .. mayb should start now for my boy ??
i bath with my 18mo dd and taught her about boobies and (instead of petpet, she calls it potpot). DD already show wondering face whenever she saw mummy topless so I can't help and teach her right away. She knows that anyone including herself if no wearing clothes will be a shame. She even dare not look at the mirror of hersslf when she's topless.
yes, this is a great post. I shall go and find the "bird & bees" book sinec i have no idea how to teach her about boy's bodypart.
I've not teach my 2 young boys yet. This is the first time I heard that the ladies part is refered to as "flower" leh... thanks for sharing with me :)
I have no experience at all, so I will just look and learn from you all.. :-)
My elder daughter is 3 yrs old, after shower she would like to run around without clothes. She knows most of the body parts except the "flower". I still too shy to teach her that.
I tell my girls all the time that they cannot allow anyone to touch them on their private parts and I tell them that if any of daddy's friends (guys) kiss them on the cheeks, to say no! Also tell them all the time not to let anyone kiss them on the lips. Haha, that's how paranoia I am!
Peter & Joyce,
Is there a video? That will be great.
Eva,
What happen to your girl?
Jacss,
Ya, sometimes we just feel awkward due to fear. Forget about the fear and everything will turn right.
Yatie,
LOL, it's the first time I hear about "flower" too.
Contented mom,
It will go into their heads. I believe it will through repetition.
Anggie,
Jeremy is still too young. Wait til he talks and understand more words.
Peridot&Sapphire,
I have just asked Elaine about the book. If you want to buy it, you can search from mindcat.com.
Janice,
You are welcome. All the best in teaching your kids.
LB,
When the time comes, you will know how.
Delittleones,
Hehe. 3 year old can understand now. Try to put away your shyness and fear.Everything will be alright.
Shireen,
Haha. Not paranoid but you are taking precaution. You never know, anything can happen especially when your girls are so pretty.
I don't really use the scientific term but I have talked to them about keeping themselves safe. I told them no one besides me, their dad (for my son), their nanny are allowed to touch them in their private parts and we only touch them there for washing.
I have talked with my son who is 4 but I am still not sure that he gets it. He always gets giddy and doesn't seem to sense the seriousness. I am hoping though it is getting in there subconsciously.
Actually I really don't mind having boy or girl... however, those raping/sexual harassment stories really make me wori when my gals grown up...
Yes, I do teach my 2 gals about their private part is forbidden touch for everybody!
good sharing, I don't use scientific terms, but I do tell my boy about the touching
Menchie,
You are doing great. We do have to be very specific.
Melinda,
I think if we keep repeating, the idea will sip in slowly.
Kelly,
You will be surprised that boys would be sexually harrassed too.
Martini,
Yes, that's really an important thing to do. Thanks for commenting on my previous posts and thank you so much for reading. I truly appreciate that :)
yes i do educate her and tell her not to touch, not only that i tell her nobody can touch except herself and me, if someone touch it must slap him hahaha
I do tell XY that no one is supposed to touch her 'pet pet' (except me) but I don't know how to do the practical part ie wat's a good touch n wat's a bad touch.
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