My hubby grew up in this little village where there are about 200 families. Life there is so different from life in the city. Children in that village are not protected like those in the city. They are very independent and brave. Hubby always tells me his story about how his parents left the entire shop to them (he and his brothers) and went for a tour. At that time, hubby’s eldest brother was about 12 years old. They run the shop with the help of their workers, taking care of every single cent that came in and went out. I cannot imagine how a bunch of primary school children could handle their meals and daily necessity and at the same time, their father’s business for a few days without their parents.
I guess I would never achieve that stage.
Look at the following difference:
I guess I would never achieve that stage.
Look at the following difference:
Village playground vs city playground
The playground in the village is built on a land with sand and stones whereas the playground in KL is built on “rubber mats”. The slide in the village is built with cement whereas slides in KL are built with plastic. What do you see here? Isn’t it obvious that the city children are always protected, even from falls? So, how are these children going to learn precaution if they don't fall and don't feel the pain? It keeps me pondering.
Look at the village girls on the slide. I was taking photos of my children when I saw them sliding down with something beneath them. Curious, I walked closer to take a look. Oh my, they were using gunny sacks as a base to prevent heat and friction while sliding down. Aren’t they using their mind to solve problems? I bet my children would never have thought of that.
Using a gunny sack while sliding down
I have been thinking really hard recently. Am I protecting my children too much? Do I want to cushion their fall every time they run into some problems? Do I want dependent children who do not know what to do in time of crisis? Do I want my children to grow up to be adults who cannot take failure just because we do not allow failure to happen? NO! I do not want all these.
So, I guess I’d better take the middle path of not over protecting my kids and at the same time not giving them too much freedom either.
What do you think?
36 comments:
Gee, after reading your post, I don't really sure how I'm gonna bring up my girls.
I'm an over-protected child when I was small as I'm the only girl in my family though I'm the eldest. My parents are still treating me like a small girl when I'm already a mother of 2.
I'm so used to being protected by my loved ones. I guess it subconsciously show on how I'm bringing up my girls now.
I admit I'm over protective of them at times. Hope I can loosen up so they don't turn out like me. :)
i am overprotective compared to how my MIL takes care of my children when they were there for 1 nite. Mayb she is still using the kampung way.. so now i will think like u and sometimes have to keep one eye closed..
i guess a balance is good. I'm pretty cool with the things my kids do, let them explore. after all, they need some fun...just gotta make sure it's safe
well, i live in a kampung and my children live the kampung lifestyle too. :)
hmmm... Balance in between is still the best. Let them try and explore as there like but be safe as what Jazz said, & let them appreciated what there have !!
We can't protect them from everything. Best way is to teach them to choose the right, teach them to think, teach them to care for themselves. And then give them the freedom to learn. In some things, experience is the best teacher. We just need to be around when they need us. It's like allowing them to fall down but we are ready with the bandaids :)
I'm over-protective over my kids coz IMHO, I think the world outside is not save anymore, as compared to decades ago. Decades ago, my brothers and I play outside our house and cycled round the neighborhood the whole evening and nothing bad happened to us.
But on the other hand, over protecting my kids is not good either. I guess we hv to look at the situation and strike a balance.
I think take the best from both and use...
Over protect your kids will not benefit them at all. You tend to make them more dependent to you, once they fall down, mean they forever down unless u give them helping hand. What if one day you no longer with them, how they can survive in this challenging world?
hehee...my girls now live in kg style too! Come to my house, then you will know! :P
Kerry,
I'm just like you. So, I don't want this to happen on my kids.
Wen,
Yup. Sometimes, protecting our children doesn't mean we are doing the best for them. The result may turn out negative.
Jazz,
That's the word: Balance. We shouldn't stop them from exploring. That's how they learn.
Michelle,
Should meet you one day. Really want to see your kampung style.
Angie,
Yup, just ensure it's safe.
Lian,
I like your approach. Many parents protect their children and keep doing that for the reason that their children don't show them that they can be independent but they did not think that they themselves did not give their kids chance and trust to do that.
Shireen,
I understand your concern. Sometimes, I too, have these worries. We will just try our best.
Chanel,
Yup. I am trying to take the best of both: my parents and my parents in law.
Jesslyn,
Like you, I am also worried that if I fall sick, my children will not be able to look after themselves. So, I constantly remind them that letting them try doing things on their own is actually to train them to be able to take care of themselves.
er, like shireen said, the outside world is no longer safe.
we need to protect our children where it's necessary, but give them freedom to explore and do things with our supervision of course.
i believe we shud have balance in everything we do. Like me i grow up in a car workshop. So i have been eating whatever is given and I play with screwdrivers and grease when others play with barbie dolls. But with J i dun want him to grow up in a car workshop but i won't stop him exploring if he wants to. Just gotto make sure they enjoy while learning and esp just make sure that they are safe.
I guess both has good and bad. As you said, balance is the best. :)
Ya...I agreed striking a balance is very important. Every parent is protective towards their child but shouldn't be over protective to hinder their growth and development.
You can see the difference, my girl can climb up slide (3steps)and slide down herself before 2 years old and some kids can't even climb up the steps at 3years old.
Ohya..I missed the exciting kampong life during my childhood... We used catch fish in the drains, pound the leaves and pasted it on legs/hands as shown in the kungfu show. The swing was made of some nlyon string just hanging on the trees. ^_^
Shern's mom,
I know what you mean. There are so many cases happening and that's a threat to our kids.
What we can do as a parent is to teach them precaution like don't talk to strangers, don't accept things that strangers give, keep together as a group when going out, etc. I think that's important.
It's difficult but we have to keep repeating. Once the idea gets into the children's mind, it will stick there for a long time.
Sasha,
You grow up in a workshop? Wow, you must be a tough girl, eh? Glad to hear your approach with Jayden.
Healy,
Everything has its pros and cons. That's why we must stay in the middle and don't go to the extremes.
Shannon's mummy,
So, you are a kampung girl? I don't have that kind of experience. I am over protected and I can see the difference between hubby's family and mine. So, I'm trying to figure out how to raise my kids to enable them to survive in this world.
I grew up in a rural area too and we are raising our children here. When I lived in a city I decided that I couldn't raise children there because I didn't think it was as safe as the country. I do think children raised in the country are definitely more independent.
I'm oso the over-protective type. Sometimes can't help it when we're living in this society with a lot of psycho ppl ard. So, when we're so used to being over-protective, even safe things oso we don't encourage them to explore. Which I think is not good. Yeah.. must be a bit more flexible.
Finding the healthy balance, which will be different for each child, is wise.
Our world can be a dangerous, ugly place. It is also amazing and wonderous.
In our desire to protect, we often instill unnecessary fear and dependence that can follow our children through their adulthood. Encouraging kids to think through things, to be willing to try new things, to explore... while still using caution, is good for all.
You are right - balance is best.
I think as parents of today, we can be overprotective and with good reasons as well. The world is not as save as it used to be, especially in the city.
It will be such a blessing to be able to strike a happy balance!
Tammy,
I can see that trend over here in Malaysia too.
Ginnie,
I think we, mothers, learn along the way. I was quite fussy and protective with my first child but eventually I change my approach and I can see the difference.
Pam,
Thank you for your wise words. I truly appreciate that. You touched on something which I think is important. "Every child is different". I totally agree with you. I have 3 children and I noticed that I can't use the same approach on all 3 all the time. So, it's rather a challenge for us, mothers, to figure out which approach is most appropriate for each child.
Thank you Pam once again for sharing.
Judy,
I understand what you mean. It's rather frustrating when you want your child to be independent but on the other hand, the surrounding doesn't allow that.
I live in the city and I face this problem too. However, what I can do is to start from the house, to start from the little things that I think is the safest and eventually practise diminishing control.
Yeah... I tried not be over protective too as this will make my boy over dependent on me which I do not want. I want him to be independent as much as possible.
And my hubby is one who do not like to indulge into expensive toys or a lot of toys... So my boy only plays with limited toys which we rotate around the house...
I guess times are changing.. the tendency to be protective is there especially after what we read in the newspapers.. I don't remember my mum being sooo protective over me as I'm over my baby... sigh.. still, we need to know when to let go as they can't be running to us when they are older ya? :-)
Angeleyes,
I like your approach of not buying too many toys. I think I don't buy much too but most of my kids' toys are given by their grandparents.
Sting,
Thanks for dropping by. You are right. Diminishing control is necessary.
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